What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse means any threats, violence, controlling or coercive behaviour that takes place between family members or people aged over 16 who are in a relationship with each other (or have been in the past).

Family members are defined as mother, father, sister, brother and grandparents; whether directly related, in-laws or step family.

Domestic abuse can happen regardless of social group, class, age, race, disability or sexuality of the individuals involved.

Domestic abuse can affect both men and women, and it can occur in any relationship – heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual; young or old.

It is a pattern of behaviour used by abusers designed to establish and maintain power and control over another person.

Phone 999 and ask for the Police if you are in immediate danger

What are the types of abuse?

Domestic abuse is not always physical violence and can take different forms. This can include but is not limited to the following types of abuse:

Emotional abuse: persistently putting you down, isolating you from friends and family, name calling, sulking and checking up on you
Psychological abuse: verbal abuse, blaming, mind games, criticisms, accusations, emotional abuse, jealous and obsessive behaviour, humiliation, comparisons, manipulation, complete control of a person's life, threats to kill the person or the children, imposed social isolation, sleep deprivation
Sexual abuse: forcing you to have sex against your will, sexual assault, forced prostitution, degradation, forced anal or vaginal penetration, using objects, humiliation, forced to watch or act in pornography
Financial abuse: preventing a person from getting or keeping a job, taking money, not permitting access to or withholding family income
Physical abuse: assault, punches, kicks, hitting, forced imprisonment, biting, strangulation, burning, dragging, actual bodily harm, grievous bodily harm, using weapons, throwing objects

See the Power and Control Wheel for more examples of behaviour that is defined as 'abuse.' It also includes:
Controlling behaviour: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape, and regulating their everyday behaviour.
Coercive behaviour: an act – or a pattern of acts – of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation, or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten their victim.
This includes so-called honour-based abuse, female genital mutilation (FGM) and forced marriage.

Is domestic abuse a crime?

There is no single criminal offence of ‘domestic abuse’ but many forms of domestic abuse are crimes, such as harassment, assault, criminal damage, attempted murder, rape and keeping you locked up in the house. Being assaulted, sexually abused, threatened or harassed by a partner or family member is a crime just as it would be if committed by a stranger.

A new domestic violence law came into effect on 29 December 2015, which recognises that abuse is often a complex and sustained pattern of behaviour intended to create fear. The coercive control offence, which carries a maximum penalty of five years’ imprisonment and a fine, can be invoked if on at least two occasions a victim suffers serious alarm or distress that impacts on their day-to-day activities, or they are frightened of physical violence. Read GOV.UK’s information about Controlling or coercive behaviour for more information.

Am I in an abusive relationship?

It’s not always easy to know if you’re being abused. Abusers may try to persuade you that what they’re doing is normal, is a sign of love or that they’re really sorry. Here are some possible signs:

You are scared of them
They have hurt, or threatened to hurt, you or people you care about
They force you to do things you don't want to do, including sexually
They stop you from seeing your friends, family or people who you may go to for advice such as a GP or social worker.
They have threatened to take your children away or hurt them
They prevent you from continuing or starting school, college or from going to work
They constantly check up on you or follow you - they may also track you via your mobile phone
They wrongly accuse you of flirting or of having affairs on a regular basis
They get extremely jealous and possessive
They constantly humiliate you or criticise or insult you, often in front of other people
You change your behaviour because you're afraid of what they might do or say to you
They deliberately destroy things that belong to you
They control how much money you have
They blame you for the abuse

If you’re not sure whether something that has happened to you is abuse or not, it can help to imagine if you would be worried if it happened to a friend or a close relative.

The Power and Control Wheel may also help you to decide if you are in an abusive relationship.

You may also want to have a look at this Respect leaflet, How to tell if your abusive partner is changing.

What are the early signs of an abusive relationship?

(taken from an article by Pamela Jacobs, Huffington Post, 20 October 2014)

Remember that domestic abuse is not your fault, it is the fault of the person who chooses to abuse.

How common is domestic abuse?

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse.
Although both men and women can be affected, more than three quarters of those who experience domestic abuse are women. Of those who experience domestic abuse, 38 per cent are subject to more than one incident in a year.

One in four women will experience domestic abuse during their lifetime
Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner
One man is killed by a current or former partner every two weeks
In over half of reported incidents of domestic abuse in Norfolk there are children present or living within the home (if not physically present)
Two thirds of domestic abuse starts or increases during pregnancy
Alcohol is a factor in around 60 per cent of incidents of domestic abuse
Victims of domestic abuse are more likely to be repeat victims than victims of another crime
Young women aged 16-19 are at the greatest risk of abuse
Domestic abuse makes up 10 per cent of emergency calls to police nationally and in some areas it’s close to 20 per cent
One in six men will experience domestic abuse during their lifetime, they can experience violence from their female partners or within same sex relationships

In Norfolk, there are more than 17,000 police-recorded domestic abuse incidents every year, but domestic abuse is often not reported and the British Crime Survey tells us that the actual number of incidents is likely to be five to six times higher.